I Just Want To...

“I stopped. She was bleeding after all. Perfect lines crossed her wrists, not near any crucial veins, but enough to leave wet red tracks across her skin. She hadn't hit her veins when she did this; death hadn't been her goal.”
― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy

At some point we all want the same thing, to be happy, to feel good about ourselves, to be able to wake up in the morning and not hate the day because u just woke up. To not have that "ugh another day" feeling, but to be like "yes, I'm glad I'm alive". I know that in the end that is what i want, to smile, to love, to laugh, to feel free. 

It all comes down to the fact that i have issues and I'm the first one to recognize that, i don't know how to deal with pain the same way other people do. I'm not the kind of girl that just tries to have a conversation, i bottle everything in, until it gets too hard for me to handle and then i just burst. I have panic attacks, anger issues, its so weird how even my asthma has taking an emotional side. I don't pretend that I'm perfect, i am way far from it, sometimes i just lay in bed and wish that the day would end so i can be alone. I don't sleep much, all i ever do is over think stuff and remember all that I've done, all the people i have hurt with my behaviour and those that I've lost because i couldn't bring myself to care enough to make things right...