When u feel neutral

Sometimes u need to learn how to love the parts u hate of u. I've spent so many hours staring at my scars and trying to remember who I was before it all started.
When was the time I became so broken that cutting seemed alright? 
What was really the reason I ever took a razor and slashed my arm open?
The person that i was then and who I am now, are so different and yet so the same. I learned to control my impulses and my fears, I've opened up more to being loved and loving without suffocating.
Call me im half way to being a full grown person, a tad more mature and whole new level of relaxation, I'm glad I'm me and being alive never felt better.