Warrior

I used to cut because I couldn't feel anything or maybe I felt so much that I wanted to be able to control it in a way. I haven't cut, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how many times I trace my scars and no matter how many times i have the need to feel that rush, that high.
I wanna be the kind of person that people are proud of, I want to be able to say that i USED to be and not that I am a cutter. It doesn't define me but its part of who I am, the scars are my metals and they are proof that I've been low and yet im still here. Im still fighting to get better, im fighting to be someone that its worth loving.
Through time I've learned that its not about what others think and how they feel about u, its about how u see urself. There are days in which I feel so bad that I want to cut as deep as what ever object im using allows me to, days in which all I want to do is stay in bed and not move,  I dont wanna face the world but then I have days in which I truly love myself and i know what I deserve, im fighting the toughest battle, I want more days of love, I want more days in which I cam feel proud of my strength, I wanna be alive.

When u feel neutral

Sometimes u need to learn how to love the parts u hate of u. I've spent so many hours staring at my scars and trying to remember who I was before it all started.
When was the time I became so broken that cutting seemed alright? 
What was really the reason I ever took a razor and slashed my arm open?
The person that i was then and who I am now, are so different and yet so the same. I learned to control my impulses and my fears, I've opened up more to being loved and loving without suffocating.
Call me im half way to being a full grown person, a tad more mature and whole new level of relaxation, I'm glad I'm me and being alive never felt better.