I haven't cut for what seems like a lifetime. I still feel sad, I still feel helpless, sometimes I don't want to get out of bed or I just wanna curl in a hole and die. So many times I've been surrounded by people, people that in the past had made me happy and I just cant bring myself to smile, to feel anything that isn't despair. They say that happiness has to be within u, but, I think that I have had so many bad experiences regarding love and trust that I refuse to even love or trust myself. Sometimes I feel this pain inside my chest, and I cant breath straight, my eyes burn and my arm itches, such a wave of emotions, all I want to do is cut, yet I don't want any more scars. I don't want to use long sleeves, I don't want any of it, but I miss it and I'm broken.