First Time

Like one remembers their first kiss, the first crush and that one guy that broke ur heart, i remember the first time i ever cut.

I was thirteen years old, i have always felt like nothing mattered, i have always been a loner, at some point even in a group of people i just shut them out and have conversations with myself in my mind. I guess im not really a people person. I hadn't gone out of my house for a month, and my mother was always trying to get me to go out. I remember that i was sitting by my bed writing stuff on my diary and i felt so sad, like i couldn't really handle all of that.

I was just staring into the freshly written words and my eyes went searching for something around me, i saw a razor on the top of my tv. 

I don't even know how it happen i just know that when my flesh was open and my blood started to flow i was able to let my sadness go, i broke down and cried for what felt like years of pain. I did 3 lines on my left arm, and then i fell sleep. The rush i got from cutting has never been duplicated by any kind of drug or feeling.

Its been 13 years since that first time and is still a way for me to let go when i cant handle it anymore...